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Douglas Weiss uses a concept called "Sex Glue" to describe the addictive nature of sexual activity. Over time, sexual addicts may find it difficult to become aroused by their wife, and this is because the addict has trained their brain to associate pleasure with other activities/stimulus to which they orgasm. The orgasm experience is the glue. What you view during an orgasm becomes the desired stimulus. For many sexual addicts, this stimulus is pornography, which most will masturbate to.
Because a sexual addict has glued themself to pornography (or other sexual experiences), typical sexual experience within your marriage bores in comparison. Many sexual addicts will often resort to fantasy while having sex with their spouse as a way of obtaining other stimulus in order to achieve orgasm. So, they have not orgasmed to their spouse, but to they pleasure of their fantasy. Typically, the spouse is not unaware of this "detached sexual experience", which can build resentment, rejection, depression, etc.
If this describes you, you are in need of some help to break this cycle. If you are trying to understand why your spouse seems disinterested in sexual relations, or will only have sex in the dark, or with their eyes closed, they do not need a reprimand. It is more important to have an honest discussion about what you are sensing, and that you think something might be wrong.
If you need help, please call or email via the contact page.
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